Make it count

Okay, so by now I am sure that my readership--which sounds like a really boring cruiseline--has probably hit the million per day mark, so Maria--which is the name I have chosen to give these millions of people--let's get down to talking about the serious things in life. Let's talk about scooters, vacation, and fall. Or maybe more importantly let's talk about babies. I was having breakfast this morning and a couple came in with two babies. If you are wondering about how old these babies were I couldn't possible tell you as I have no concept of how old humans are when they are under four feet tall. A baby might be seven months old, it might be three years old. A midget might be thirty-two or they might be seventy-eight. I just have no idea. When this couple came in with their two babies one was broken already. It was screaming and crying before it even was given a reason to scream and cry like underdone eggs, or syrup. I think that its just rude to not turn your child off before coming into a restaurant. I turn off my radio. I don't come into a restaurant with a blaring radio. No. I turn it off. So do the same please. That's all.

Well no. That's not all. When I see anything I have a horrible habit of immediately needing to talk about it. So if I see a man with ridiculous hair, I have to start talking about ridiculous hair. If I see someone with a cat on a leash, there I go talking about cats on leashes. If you have a crying baby I start talking about babies. Please understand I am not meaning your baby in particular. I am just compelled to relate all stories I know of couples with two babies who walk into restaurants with crying children. I have a design flaw. This morning much to my horror the people talked back. This is jarring to me because I am used to talking to my television and getting no direct responses. I forget people are not television. So we had a conversation about babies. This is fine. However, shortly afterwards we also had a conversation about people who have teflon horns implanted in their heads. Stranger! Why didn't you lead with this story? I know that it would have seemed a non-sequiter but believe me I would have been much more interested at the outset. I don't like to talk to strangers usually but if you have a story about a man who has teflon horns then by all means give me a tap on the shoulder. This is the stuff I want to know about.

Thanks for listening Maria.

-Jessica